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Lets make herstory....

'When I stand before God at the end of my life, I will have not one single bit of talent left and I’ll say ‘I used everything you gave me’.




So I have realised that my blogs are going to dart about a bit from past, present and future….why do things in a conventional way? That just really wouldn’t be me! I also need to feel ready to write them, there is no point in attempting it unless I am 'ready to share' and oddly, it seems like the timing is perfect because I hardly consider what I am typing....the words just happen, the sentences flow and the paragraphs appear before me. I actually do wonder who I am writing this for, it almost feels like I am journaling with intent to share only it really makes no difference if anyone reads this! I guess reflecting on where I have been and where I am gives me a really boost which is reason enough to do this.


I left off explaining about how the concept of The Engine Shed came about and some of the early challenges I faced with project timescales and today I am writing a little more about me and my journey to that point.


A couple of years ago I a people pleaser, over committing myself which I now realise came of a place of fear and insecurity. That version of me tended to be stressed and exhausted albeit, appeared fun, confident and high achieving. My priorities were off and I was spreading myself too thinly.

At work I was able to perform well and had been, for more than 15 years, consistently successful, while my personal life was ‘up and down’ and I struggled with challenging relationships.

I met Alex Adamson through a good friend who I had seen grow after 6 months of therapy.

I initially talked to Alex about relationships I couldn’t manage and he helped me understand the world through differing perspectives and trained me to use various techniques and coping mechanisms.

I began to really enjoy my sessions with Alex and realised how uncomfortable I was about celebrating my success outside of work and just how much I downplayed myself… This made me think about people in general and those ever so important teenage years where you become self-conscious and embarrassed. When I cast my mind back I remember it was seen as a negative trait to ‘love yourself’, you might have been called ‘big headed’ yet now, in the age of ‘self-care’ you can barely look at social media without seeing encouraging quotes.





I realised that other people's opinion mattered to me too much; I had been seeking approval from others and even when I hadn’t been asking for their opinions, they had become compelled to give me them anyway swaying my actions and often leaving me feeling confused and drained. Most of these people were coming from a good place and meant no harm BUT my own intuition, my inner voice was quiet and I wasn’t listening. Alex would say; if someone is telling you something you should always ask ‘is there a question in there for me?’, rather than assuming they want your direction.

I reflected on this and started to assess my relationships and made some changes. I tried to stop downplaying myself, accepted compliments rather than brushing them off and found my confidence again; this was a really positive step forward for me and I began to see some changes in my personal life as I felt more free to be myself for me.


I learnt that my 'well of energy' needed to be full and there was a limit to the buckets I should give out to others; this allowed me to become ‘selfull’. I began to choose who I spent time with very carefully and began to start getting comfortable with being alone which was a new concept for me.

I immediately started believing that if an idea brought me joy and served others, I could do pretty much anything I set my mind to without fear of failing; after all, fear is simply a product of your thought and can only ever be future tense.


'There's nothing 'out there' that can give us peace; it's already within us. We must dismantle the fear, trauma and patterns that keep us stuck in the belief that peace is unattainable. Peace and love are who we are; we just forgot'.

There was so much more to my time with Alex, we had great conversation, enlightening moments of self discovery and I began to understand how we as humans, get stuck repeating patterns which must be understood in order to be happy. I needed that time and I will cherish those sessions


I was living in the present moment with spiritual guidance from within and super charged with energy which I knew would lead me to do great things.


xxx




Ref Therapy with Alex – Counselling and Psychotherapy

Quote by Emma Bombeck & Gabby Bernstein

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